The Priory of Perverted Cacklers

2007-12-18T01:03:00.000+08:00

Snots says:
I'm guessing everyone is missing me. I miss you girls too. tapi pehalnya korang tak leh nak buar bubis kalau aku tade? nak kene lempang ker sekor2?

jawab..jangan tak jawab!

2007-11-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

*deep breasts... uhh I mean breaths*

Aidil Fitri Mubarak!

Diwali Wanakul!

Aidil Adha Mubarak!

Merry Christmas!

Happy New Year!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

And Happy Birthday!!!

There. I think I've covered 'em all!

Enjoy the festive seasons!!!

Be good and chew your food!

2007-09-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

TIS THE SEASON FOR SOME MASSIVE SPRING CLEANING.

*sweeps cobwebs*
*coff coff*

*mops floor*

Ooooo shiny shiny I like!!!

*airs the room, burns incense sticks*

Ah okay much better.
Been a while has it not?

Anyways, on behalf of the shinyhappypeople who contribute to this blog (whether directly or indirectly), I'd like to wish all readers "Selamat Berpuasa!" (to those who do, of courCe).

To those who don't, feel free to take any of us (or all of us) out for a Ramadan buffet!
Well actually I care really little for Ramadan buffets coz the spread is mostly uninteresting.
What I really want is for somebody to take me to Jo*go*ya*!!!

So who's willing to cough out RM110 and take me to that Japanese buffet eyh???

Enjoy the month and try to have stress free month!!!

Until my next spring cleaning, toodles!!!

2007-07-30T18:16:00.000+08:00

COLOURS OF RAINBOW IN A BOWL

I want Ais Kacang!!!

I want Ais Kacang!!!!

I want Ais Kacang!!!!!!!!!!!

Gimme Ais Kacang!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Kingdom for a bowl of Ais Kacang!!!!!

2007-07-04T14:55:00.000+08:00

So Now I tell you Openly, You have my Heart so don't Hurt Me.

Dear Cacklers,

It's been awhile innit?

How is everyone doing?

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my misdeeds as follows:

- Not visit Sunshine's babe. We took so long to organise ourselves that we ended up not going. We're bad, bad aunties. LET'S GO VISIT ALREADY.

- For throwing tantrum at X-Goddessa for not being able to make it to ze slumber partie for Toots' and mine birthday.

Anyway, I believe while some are us are euphoric on new acquisitions (love, career, house etc), some are us are, to put it simply, feeling as crap as someone who has diarrhea but just had a very spicy sambal tumis ikan bilis and three mugs of julap. Fret not girls, we'll brave through this. We've gone through all that before, so chin up, tummy in, ass out and Shake that bootayyy.

We haven't had a good boobs sesh for the longest time yeah? I mean, what's with Cooks flying off to State to find Hunky Manly Men, eh, I mean to study; and Sunshine getting knocked up and delivered (not that she hasn't been coming pun) and X-Goddess been busy getting married and Toots busy groping the Boyfriend at public places and Snots busy arranging and re-arranging her stuffs at home so that it'll all colour coordinate and arranged according to size and types and Babe's been agonising about her fuscias and her ferari reds and her neon green; and I, I well, trying to be busy so that I wont be idle thinking suicidal thoughts; I realised that we haven't had a good table-thumping, side-splitting giggle funfest for the longest time.

We should you know. I missed you guys *sniff*.

So I know Snots will be coming to see me at the Charity Jam sesh this Satsday - Toots cannae make it because her parentals are in town...can the rest of you do? *bats eyelashes*.

It's something, at least. Kan?

2007-06-22T07:11:00.000+08:00

Bless us Father, for we have sinned

There is no sin greater than letting a blog gather virtual dust.

I suppose I shall wash ourselves clean of this cardinal sin and spend a minute or two here.
Possibly mulling over the meaning of life (deliberately cliched).
Is life meant to have meaning at all?

Bla bla bla... imagine words that sound important and deep... bla bla bla.

And as such, I have yet again managed to baffle myself over the meaning of life.

Have a wonderful weekend and hope to see you in the coming week.

The end.

2007-06-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

2007-05-19T10:52:00.000+08:00

I can taste blood in my throat. I wonder if it's bad.
I want to quit the smokes but everytime I get stressed, I need to light up.
I wish we had 3 day weekends.
It puzzles me why I am never attracted to Dr Jack, but Sawyer and Sayyid Jarrah instead. I mean aren't we supposed to fall in love with the goodie two shoes ones (although Dr Jack got tattoos done in Thailand and that means he could be quite fun) ones? Oh yes, I forget, we fall in love with the interesting (heartbreaker) ones and then end up marrying the goodie-two shoes ones and leading a fucking boring life instead.
I know Heroes is big, but I only just started watching it. No crushes on anyone yet. Sylar seems like a potential candidate though.
Sometimes, I see dead people on the LRT. I don't know about you but they sure as hell look dead to me.
I am scared of death. But I might flirt with him if I ever saw him coz he is like the ultimate badass in the world.
I hate my condo management fellows.
I also hate mosquitoes.
And oats. No gunk is good gunk.
I miss kGbee
I like the word phlegm
I desperately want to believe in God. But I am always in doubt.
All food outlets at Daman.sara Per.dana suck eggs.
I've never had the patience to sit through an Oprah show.
Stupid MPs who talk about periods (so tada kelas la!) annoy the fuck outta me
I never dated a gorgeous man
Because when gorgeous men look at me, I think that they're probably thinking "OMG, she's hideous".

Outta time. Sekian.

2007-05-14T13:01:00.000+08:00

Star-Struck

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I’ve met many celebrities and well-known personalities before. Shook hands, spoke to them, interviewed them, exchanged phone numbers ... but I’ve never been star-struck.

Until I met Jasmine of NRG (and the rest of NRG band members).

Serious punya star-struck.

By the way, in my excitement of catching NRG up close and personal, I had actually gotten the time of their performances mixed up. They are actually performing at 8pm-10pm on Fridays and Saturdays, and 5pm-7pm on Sundays. Only in the merry month of May, at Alamanda.

2007-05-11T16:09:00.000+08:00

CHEAP SALE

Girls!!!!!

And I mean Yo! Cacklers!!!!

NRG is within my grasp! I mean, within our grasps (except you darling kooky who is soooo far away, and you too little Miss Sunshine as well as Ariel since the two of you have in your own private little lives your own Jasmine).

Beginning this weekend, and I mean today (!!!!), NRG will be performing at the Esplanade Alamanda!!! I mean, for real? I rubbed my eyes in disbelief when I got this piece of flyer that said NRG at Esplanade Alamanda.

Yea! They are! They are! They Are!!!!

So, they’ll be in the not-so-ulu-side-of-Dengkil for three weekends, performing from 5pm-7pm on Fridays and Saturdays, and 8pm-10pm on Sundays.

Their last gig is 27 May.

I am so going to go on a cheap-sale mode!!!

2007-04-23T10:47:00.000+08:00

I have conjunctivitis.

Leen said that according to malay pimples (i think she meant to say peoples -it's grammatically wrong but its Leen, we always forgive her for her tresspasses against the language), if you have conjunctivitis, you must says AKU SAKIT PANTAT.

She adds that if I am worried about being rude, I should just say, SAYA sakit pantat. Being rude is in fact the least of my worries.

I have bigger concerns. Like morphing into a cow so that I can work on lowering my triglycerides level, which have been elevated for the last 10 mths.

Among other causes of high levels of triglycerides are the food you eat, smoking, and conditions like the polycystic ovary syndrome (which is a fucked up syndrome to have because it brings on so many other complications). I've been reading up on high trigs and they tell me that everything save for leafy green vegetables and water are the best things to help address the problem. This is because these are foods that are lowest in their sugar (hence, carb) content (duh!).

Another major concern is: Since cows only eat grass, I wonder how the fuck are they so fat? Are they piling on the carbs when we aren't watching? And how do goats manage to stay so slim?

Final major concern at the mo: What do men say when they have conjunctivitis? Aku sakit kepala? (as in you know...the other one)

Anyways, you better not stare at this screen too long lah, then you will also kena conjunctivitis.

2007-04-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest …

… and it is likely, another one will soon follow.

And the remaining cuckoos (Beautiful People that are nestled within the warm confines of the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers, to you, thank you very much) are still undecided about the past birthday and soon-to-come birthday celebrations of its members.

Leen’s just whizzed past, and I believe soon Toots will be celebrating hers, and so will Little Miss Sunshine (whose presence is conspicuously still absent from the left panel).

But the one thing that we could agree was the little extravaganza that will take place come May 6, courtesy of Ariel.

So, I, being the industrious one, suggested to Snots that we could actually have the birthdays held during the extravaganza. But, Snots pointed out, the extravaganza was not about birthdays, it’s about Ariel, and we must not and cannot try to hijack Ariel’s glorious moment.

I concur.

Snots then came up with a brilliant idea which if actually materialised, would be a reminiscence of what Ariel got for her Hen Night.

Kudos to you, Nurse Mildred Ratched!

2007-04-09T12:29:00.000+08:00

And the Question is ...

Are We, or Are We NOT, having a birthday party for Leen?

or ...

Shall We Let Leen Organise It and Invite Us?

The Beautiful People Seem to be having problems in solving this problem.

(and no, we do not need outside help).

2007-03-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

Dear Darling Cacklers,

Do you recall a time...
not so long ago...
when a silly, ditzy monkee
requested that you ended
all your comments
and emails
with this line:

"Toots will land herself a decent man
before her 27th (frack!) birthday!"

???

Do you?
Do you?
I'm sure you do.
I'm quite certain you do.

Frack it, I'll make you remember!!!

So anyways.
I wanted to take this teeny weeny opportunity.
To thank you most earnestly.

For what initially
was just kind gestures
to entertain the
plea of a silly, ditzy monkee...

Has come true.

The monkee.
Is.
In.
Love!!!

And is officially.
Taken!!!

XOXOXOXOXO

P/S: Leen and I checked and that particular phrase was mentioned:
15 times in our blogspot comment box (check: Jan 18th)
and 16 times in our emails dated Jan 15th.
So derfore. 31 times. And it came true!!! Hahaha.
Camne aku tak gelong??!!

2007-03-17T17:54:00.000+08:00

There is a man, whose putrid black heart I would like to drive a big fat stake through. But before that, I would like to fill his pants with fire ants and Ents on fire.

Because stupidness deserves a reward.

I would also hereby like to announce that I want to get Vodka-drunk tonight.

And yo beautiful people (as in administrator of this blog)...while i could maybe lick the clits of the other contributors such as toots, babe, leen, snots...I'm finding it quit impossible to do it to myself. So I couldn't possibly lick all of our clits. Can you please do something about that line you have down there (it's not a pun, trust me...i'm dead fucking seriously serious).

come to think of it...if i meet a guy named seriously serious in the afterlife...i'm def'ly gonna sleep with him, okay?

2007-03-15T15:04:00.000+08:00

Good day beings!

Welcome to March! 15 days late, but still timely if I would say so meself.

It seems like most of everybody who's anybody is busy with something or somebody.

I leave you happy folk with an excellent piece of reading!

Shakespeare Parodies!!!

Good blithe!

2007-02-28T11:20:00.000+08:00

“Didn’t human beings need pain and suffering to learn and grow?” – Salman Rushdie (Shalimar the Clown)

I am tired. It’s that feeling again, of hopelessness, lethargy, carelessness. I lack the drive and the push. (This is kosher talk, there’s nothing sexy in here).

I’m tired of pushing myself. I’m tired of trying to find reasons that can make me take that step forward. I am simply that. Tired beyond reason. Most trying, I must say.

Throw me a challenge and I’ll lap it up like a cat served with milk. Give me that one reason that can make me break my back, and I will enjoy it.

I’ll go vinyasa or pila tonight.

Signed
The Masochist

2007-02-12T06:35:00.000+08:00

Yeay, I finally remembered my login and password!

Sekian.

2007-01-18T14:27:00.000+08:00

While playing the game Taboo:

Someone: What does Leen call Babe?
Babe: (yelling) Pundeeek!!

Someone: What do people in KL like to do?
Babe: (yelling again!) Fuck!!!

And that is how perverse our Babe can get. She likes to spew profanities (why the fuck am I trying to make it sound like such a beautiful sentence anyway?) but that is Babe for you. She's all class and a bit of slut. The Merv from the Matrix equated cursing in French with wiping one's arse with silk. I equate spending time with Babe with the same.

Now Toots...the first time you meet Toots, you'd think man, can ditzy get any ditzier? And then you go to her house and find that she reads books like Freakonomics. And dates men who teach law at universities. And she's like a kickass project manager for some corporate company. And she actually knows how to operate the dryer..lol.. You know...if I was a guy, I'd wanna marry Toots.

Leen, dear Leen. Be mesmerised at the level of precision that is deployed by her as she seeks and destroys bawangs in her food mercilessly. This is the idiot who'd be playing games on her phone when we're smack in the centre of a hot gossip session (usually about Kooky now that she's no longer with us). And make sure there's no computer lying around if you want her full attention. In a situation where she has to choose between man and computer, make no doubt man, she won't choose you.

Shai is pregnant. I shall not kutuk her. But we have proposed that she name her child Nurhanuza Masleen because all the names of the Cacklers are in there except for Snots coz her name and Leen's sounds the same but Leen's spelling is longer so she wins. Harumph!

The Wailer is stuck in Sudan gazing at schlongs. The Wailer is all class and all class. I feel like dirt under her feet whenever we're together. She's so prim and proper (speaks perfect English and minds her Ps and her Qs as Ashburn once puts it) that I wonder wot the hell she's doing with a bunch of raggedy anai-anais like us. When I am around Wailer, sometimes, I feel like vomitting blood but that's okay, I vomit blood all the time anyway.

And Kooks is such a fucking shameless cocktease. I mean, it's not like I have a cock but if I did, I'm 100 per sient (per cent lah but with Texan kinda twang to it) sure, she'd tease it. Kuki is a bum sometimes because she never tells us who she dates despite the blood oath we took to share each and everything which others (boyfriends, husbands and panties are an exception though). I get the feeling that she was a snake in her past life, or might become one in her next life because she always jelirkan her lidah. Or maybe she's just Satan in disguise kot. Anyways, we like her and we bought her thongs for her birthday.

If you'd like to see her in thongs, you'd have to go to New York though coz the biatch's gone there on scholarship to do her Masters in Tantric Sex.

Snots is our gangster. Seriously! If she smacks you, you will fly you Timbuktu. Seriously! She will make sure that you fly to Timbuktu if she wanted you to fly to Timbuktu because she has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Ashburn says she is anal, but I believe that one's sexual habits are best left for them to practice behind closed doors in a walled room (its okay to leave you window open if you live high up in a condo).

If Snots means to do something, she won't stop until it's perfect. She also has a nose-stud a pierced belly-button, although I am not completely sure how that information is going to benefit you, dear reader (actually not sure how this entire entry is going to benefit you). Legend has it that this woman, upon arriving in Perhentian unpacked her clothes, neatly folded them and hung them up in the cupboard. And then she folded her panties all neatly (colour-coded some more okay) and placed them in drawers.

Am just

Me.

I am constantly having crushes on Indian machans (deep down inside, every Indian man is an Indian machan okay??) who write fucking well.

I am also irked by Indian women who keep saying that they are not typical Indian the moment they pick up a cigarette and smoke and decide that they want to marry a Mat Salleh.

I think they are disillusioned and stupid. I think they should be burnt at stake.

Amd most of the time, I think I should die too.

This is coming a bit late but Happy 2007.

Let's die!

2007-01-18T09:04:00.000+08:00

Why? I never!!!

Pages containing profanities won't load apparently!

Some hotshot filtering system implemented by fuckwits that want to play God!

Bloody Nazi shits!! May the dicks of two hundred thousand (Afghan?) camels be stuffed into thy shitholes.

2007-01-09T19:28:00.000+08:00

You know.

Sometimes we should just pack and leave. Board the next train, plane, heck, bus out to Anywhere. I want to sit on the beach while the scorching sun prickles my skin so bad, they crawled in fear and then flake off my body. I want to go lie down on the sand and read a Really Good Book and then snooze. I want to go to hiding behind some very large rocks and have a Really Good Cry that when I finally waddle out, my eyes would be stinging so bad I'll wince and squint. Which doesn't matter anyway because it's so hot, everyone without shades are squinting as it is. I want to go into the warm sea and then float and not think of work, of the backlogs, of my appraisals and of my seemingly non-growth of my career. Then I'll get out of the water and sit back on the beach to dry my hair (it'll caked together but that's alright).

And then I want to go and eat.

Anyone's game for an island escapade? Jom lah.

2007-01-03T18:17:00.000+08:00

sexcapades and love parades...

hello. can you say hello 2007 times?
please do.
tis the new morrow.
arise sweet child and suckle on the fresh dew!

then shoot the mutha for being a piece of slime.

happy new year!

2006-12-26T16:38:00.000+08:00

About something...

I guess it's my turn now to contribute something in this blog. If not, then the girls would think I’m dead or deaf or blind or stupid or something!

I must think of something funny ...fast!

*think think think*

ARGH! I don't have anything funny or anything close to being funny.

I'll just have to write something... I must put something down.

Ok here it goes...

S O M E T H I N G

p/s: arrghhh lega. bleh tido dengan aman sekali.

2006-12-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

Oh Zut! A Zit …

… is growing on my nose and it’s painful. My nose seems to be the favourite breeding ground for the Zit. It comes and it goes almost every month and the nose is always its choice of repair. If it wasn’t the nose, then the areas surrounding the beautifully-shaped and arched eyebrows would be the resting place.

In retrospect, a zit on the nose is not too bad, compared to having a zit growing on the teat. You read me right. The teat and the zit are not a good combo.

That’s what happened to me recently. A zit on the teat. I could only look at it and curse its existence. A slightest flick would have me howling for blood. Worse still when you have the bra irritating the zit on the teat. Which made me suffer constant niggling pain.

The solution was simple though. Since zits are not a regular outbreak with me, I do not have with me the usual zit-buster cream to address the problem. Even if I had one, I wouldn’t want to smear it on the zit at the peak of the teat. There was no option at all but to be liberated from that constricting paraphernalium that has been the bane of my existence since back then.

I went bra-less.

Oh! What a feeling!!(breaks into a Flashdance routine, complete with legwarmers and tights)

To be free from encumbrances that is the bra is quite an intense therapeutic experience. I had no issue with going jiggly-jiggly while wearing my tees, provided the tees were in darker shades.

Two days of total freedom where the teat went to places no teat has gone before. And the zit went away.

(While the pain that came from the zit on the teat and the zit on the nose are quite bearable, the sickness in the gut that hailed from one particular humonguous zit with two feet is making my blood pressure to rise.)

2006-11-16T11:20:00.000+08:00

Random-a-Tandem-in-a-Condom

I am beginning to like this arrangement of having two jobs at the same time with only one pay. I would like to delude everyone into thinking that my other job is my contribution to the political well-being of the country. I am quite noble like that, especially when I am pushed to a corner with both hands tied to the back and mouth gagged (my employers are a sadistic lot and I am a masochist).

Now, how do I differentiate between this (paying) job and that (non-paying) job? Job 1 and Job 2, easy. I have been blowing a lot smoke when it comes to describing these two jobs but really, that’s what I do best. Now, all I need to do is to make sure that the smoke turns to clouds that spills the rain. I want the others to wet themselves when I finally deliver. I swallow then I spit it right into their faces.

Job 1 is not going to be easy when FreeLoader is an advocate of this management style that brings on the ‘silo effect’ (I learnt this term from the very much learned LetterMan). Job 2 is a waste of time because the Boss does not ever need my services.

Job 1 has me cracking my head trying to figure out what the other units are up to without making me look like I’m encroaching into their territories (when in actual fact, I must and I want and I have to). Job 1 has me walking on eggshells as I have to tread carefully so as not to be seen as trying to undermine Freeloader’s authority and position as a superior.

I, the great strategist who once dreamed of taking over the world and put FreeLoader in its rightful place, have decided to play it safe. Instead of going into the battle head on, I will now play the game of deception. Sun Tzu said “The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him.”

One problem: I am not clever.

2006-10-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

To all my Hindu friends,

and to all my Muslim friends,

Maaf zahir dan batin!

Love,

Kookycookie

2006-10-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

And on a totally unrelated note:

LOST CACKLER IS FOUND!

The Wailer is found! She was last known to have been catching mosquitoes and dry-humping hunks in Sudan but we were later made known by the Sunshine that she is back on our turf! She is currently making her social visits around the region and is expected to land on KL soil by this weekend.

I smell a boobie session coming up. No excuses of non-attendance from anyone.

The Wailer had the (mis)fortune to befriend Ariel the Depressed and Leen Ash Burn during a week freelancing stint at an exhibition. We giggled and cackled a lot. After the initial shock of having to listen to the exchange of rubbish between Ariel and Leen, she succumbed.

We clicked; despite the Wailer being of the more… girl-next-door type. She doesn’t cackle, she only grinned. Ariel and Leen looked as if they’ve been in the sewer forever; in contrast, Wailer looked and stayed clean and sweet, wrapped in pink ribbon and lavender wrapping paper (with rabbits and teddy bears cartoon motifs). And she’s witty to boot. She didn’t particularly agree to our discussions on matters that are close to Cacklers heart (men, sex, STDs and noisy kids we like to murder, amongst other things); but we can so relate. There is no choice for Ariel but to take her under her wings.

But she left for Sudan soon after. Many a months we waited for any news on her. She sent us a general Hi-I-Am-Safe-And-I-Catch-Flies-for-Hobby now type of emails but they were few and far between.

Until last week! Sunshine informed us that she’s back! And I received a text message from her too! So Yay! Welcome back, Wailers, you were much missed.

2006-10-10T16:32:00.000+08:00

Food For Thought

“Bless the meat
Damn the skin
Open your mouth
And cram it in”

“Lord be praised, my belly’s raised
An inch above the table;
And I’ll be blowed if I’ve not stowed
As much as I am able”
(From “I Saw Esau” edited by Iona & Peter Opie)

The Ramadhan bazaars are a heaven-sent indeed to the starving Muslims who fast diligently during the day. From 4pm onwards, they flock the bazaars, checking out the mediocre offerings sold at cutthroat prices. Quality, of course, not assured. But buy we must. It’s food, we need to feed ourselves. We deserve all the good food in the world because we fast from dawn to dusk. The more food we buy, the merrier will the iftar be.

And the world owe it to us because we fast! Non-Muslims who do not fast must not encroach our fasting domain. (The same rule, however, does not apply to Muslims who do not fast). Stay away from the bazaars. Stay away from all eateries when the muezzin is about to call the azaan. Be considerate and clear the tables because I, a Muslim, am fasting and I need that spot so I can break my fast in peace.

Big deal!

Self-control is non-existent. We let our gluttonous behaviour rule us as the hours of the day move on, for Ramadhan is the time when we appease every little gastronomic whim and fancy.

Have we really forgotten what Ramadhan is all about? Other than the usual abstaining from food and drink (and sex) during the day, we seem to overlook the fact that fasting is all about disciplining the body and mind. Refraining from life’s little pleasures like food and drinks should make it easier for us to be grateful for what we have.

But Malaysia is food-galore. And Malaysians live to eat.

We fast because, at the end of the day, we get to eat.

And now, I start my quest for that perfect Ayam Percik. Only in Ramadhan.

2006-10-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

Reason to celebrate!

TooTs and friend, went up north o'er the weekend.
It was a mitey fantabulous trip with lotsa food, lotsa laughter and lotsa fun!

So what came out of this trip?
One oven and a 20 year old mixer!

And as such, TooTs would like to extend an invite
to all Cacklers for a Bakey Bakey Bake session at her crib this weekend!

In the meantime, to all our wonderful readers, feel free to drop
any good ol' cookie recipes for us to experiment with!

Okay kiddies.
Selamat berbuka!

2006-09-26T15:50:00.001+08:00

Anthony Bourdain
is my dream f***.

I dontch know if he's gay or not
(but even if he is)
I just think he is so uberly,
hot hot hot.

I could weep when I watch him on teevee you know? Weep sad silent tears of silver and gold.

I'll do a love spell that makes him fall in love with me.
I want to be Bourdain's favourite statue.
Or the utensil he uses to eat some exotic dish.
Actually.
I want to be his sex slave.
I want to be his little secret love.
I want him to keep me in a bottle in his pocket and whenever he's horny, he'd rub on it and I'd come out and do his bidding.

STOP *GAPSING!!

God, I'd light him a thousand cigarettes if I had to. Even if I'm in my second week of quitting cigarettes.

GOD!

I love Anthony Bourdain, I do
I love Anthony Bourdain, I do.
I love Anthony Bourdain! I do!
I LOVE ANTHONY BOURDAIN!!!!!! (and i is sayin it in purple because purple is my favourite colour, okay?)

And watching him kinda makes me get really philosophical about things y'know. And yesterday, while drooling at his naked upper torso, I was inspired to think about ..well, cats. I don't know why. I just thought about them, okay?

In truth, I hate them.. I mean, I'm not very fond of them.
But I couldn't help but wonder, why do cats have whiskers.

I tried to let it slide. But it kept niggling at me.
Not the cat.
The doubt.
Why? Why? WHY?

The question bugged me so frickin much that I couldn't sleep last night.

So I went and did a Toots. And by that I mean employed the Google Search tool, which honestly is the best search tool ever okay?

And so I got this:

Also known as "tactile hairs" or vibrissae, whiskers are the long, thick, flexible hairs on a cat's face. These hairs are located in horizontal rows on the whisker pad, the puffy area between the top corners of your cat's mouth and the outer edges of his nose. Whiskers, like hair and nails, do fall out and are replaced. But whiskers are different from the cat's body hair in a few ways:

Whiskers should never be cut or trimmed (we'll discuss why later).

Whiskers are two to three times thicker than the cat's hair.

Whiskers are rooted very deep in the cat's face, in an area rich in nerves and blood vessels. In addition to having the long tactile hairs on their cheeks, cats also have shorter ones above their eyebrows, on their chin and on the back of their front legs. Since we are most familiar with facial whiskers, let's look at what they are good for:

Navigation (if you get lost often make sure you never leave home without your cat)

Whiskers help the cat feel his way around. Whiskers are so sensitive that they can detect the slightest directional change in a breeze. At night, for example, this helps a cat slink its way through a room and not bump into anything. How? The air currents in the room change depending on where pieces of furniture are located. As the cat walks through the room and approaches the couch, he'll know which direction to turn based on the change in air current around the couch.

Mood indication
In addition to having sensory properties, a cat's whiskers are also a good indicator of his mood. When a cat is angry or feels defensive, the whiskers will be pulled back. Otherwise, when the cat is happy, curious or content, the whiskers will be more relaxed and pushed forward.

Measuring an opening
But the whisker's primary use is to help a cat judge whether or not he'll fit through an opening. A cat's whiskers are roughly as wide as his body -- sort of a natural ruler. The whisker tips are sensitive to pressure. You'll probably see a cat stick his head in and out of an opening before he puts his body in. He's judging the width of the opening, and is determining if he can fit into it. An interesting note: cats don't have a true collar bone, like humans. This allows them to turn and twist their way through very narrow openings.

So there, I hope you learnt something new from the Cacklers' blog today.

*GAPS is the new GASP as per our beloved Ashburn.

2006-09-26T00:30:00.000+08:00

Yo, Mr Fahrenheit where art thou?

Tonight as I was greedily crocodiling down a styrofoam packet of nasik kerabu biru fluorescent, I was hit with TWO mind numbing, intellectually provoking thoughts... (adoiii sakit kepala laa - i don't think that often yo)

1. If i eat nasik kaler biru fluorescent, will my shit be the same color?
Answer: No. Sekian.

2. If 7-Eleven opens 24 hours a day, why is it then called 7-Eleven?!!!

*jeng jeng jeng*

Apabila TooTs berfikir, the heavens open dan malaikat pun berzikir!!!
(O How Utterly Blasphemous!!! ~maafkan saye emm!~)

With the aid of the new age enpsychopedia aka GugleDotKomKomApaKomBatBatApaBatman; I have managed to solve this mystery!!!

Behold! A brief history on kedai dua puloh ampat jam kegemaran Labu, Luncai dan Phyllis Abigail Norton, 7-Eleven!

7-Eleven - the who, the how, the when^

*hek hem*

History
The company was founded in Oak Cliff, Texas, USA, which is now part of Dallas, USA, in 1927, and started to use the 7-Eleven name in 1946; the previous branding of these stores was as "Speedee-Mart". Supermarket chain Ito-Yokado, which operates 7-Eleven stores in Japan, purchased the majority interest of Southland Corporation in 1991. Also in 1999, Southland Corporation changed its name to 7-Eleven, Inc.

Initially, these stores were open from 7 am to 11 pm, which was unprecedented at the time, hence the name; however, most 7-Eleven stores are now open twenty-four hours per day, seven days per week. 7-Eleven's most popular private label products include: Slurpees, a partially frozen slurry in a number of flavors, and the Big Gulp super size soft drink in 32, 44, 52, and 64 (American) fluid ounce sizes. In 2005, 7-Eleven introduced their largest soft drink product, the 128 fluid ounce (1 gallon) Team Gulp.

In November of 2005, Seven & I Holdings Co. completed the purchase of 7-Eleven, Inc., turning the American publicly-traded conglomerate into a publicly-traded Japanese conglomerate. Seven-Eleven Japan is itself a subsidiary of Seven & i Holdings, which also owns the Japanese Denny's chain of restaurants and Ito-Yokado.

Trivia(L)
The only privately owned 7-11 stores are located in the Oklahoma City, Oklahoma metropolitan area. These 100 stores are owned by the Brown Family, and carry a slightly different product selection than other 7-11 stores in the world. They do not serve hotdogs, or nachos but have their own bakery called Seventh Heaven, and have fresh baked donut and cookie/pastry rack in each store, while many other regional 7-11s will carry Dunkin' Donuts. Also, due to this agreement, they carry a similar product in lieu of the Slurpee, the Icy Drink. The one side effect to this being that national advertising campaigns and promotions (e.g. movie marketing tie-ins) cannot be used. This unique marketing agreement can be traced to a merger with the Oklahoma based U-Totem stores in the early 70's.
^Source: Wikipedia Dot Org.

And so now, u too, like me, know the origins of our feveret 24 hour mart, and also Phyllis Abigail Norton's feveret kedai runcit untuk membeli jamu dan julap --> 7-Eleven - where the best daifuku's (pronounced as "die-fuck-you") are sold!

2006-09-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

Rawkin' Mubarak is Ramadan,
& Rawkin' Haute is TooTs!!!

On behalf of the lovely owners of this blog,
the one with the great humor and roaring laughter,
the one who's feisty and gloriously cynical,
the one who's morbid and depressed yet lovable,
the one who's getting soft coz of the bum bum in her tum tum,
the one who's new york bound and loves playdoh,
the one who's got a brother we all would love to share (ha ha)...
and finally, me, the one who's suddenly stuck with the word "rawk!!"

would like to wish all you shiny happy people of la la land,
a blessed ramadan.

may you spend your days in abstinence (shitfuckican'tcusscan'tfuckcan'tfagfuckla)
and your nights in your comfy jammies coz jammies rawk.

have a good ramadan y'all.

just coz you don't eat during the day, doesn't mean you can stuff your faces at night.
moderation yo. it rawks.

so have a good weekend and remember, karaokeism is the way of life!!!

RAWK ON!

aku jerit sampai periiiittt!
kerana tiket sepuluh ringgit!
rock n roll lu punya suka brader!

2006-09-21T11:30:00.000+08:00

I was browsing my uni website for on-campus jobs when I came across this:

JOB TITLE: Nude Figure Model

WAGE: $11.00
DAYS: HOURS: Varies
HOURS A WEEK: Varied
START DATE: Fall Quarter

JOB INFORMATION

POSITION SUMMARY:
Model nude for Figure Drawing class. Schedule of days and times varies between quarters. Daytime availability.

ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONS:
The Instructor will explain the desired poses for a particular session. Model will have freedom of self-expression.

QUALIFICATIONS/SKILLS REQUIRED:
Previous nude modeling required. Females and males needed.

USD11?? I hope they're charging hourly. Woot woot! It'll be interesting, don't you think so? To watch I mean. To watch the students, with their faces serious and sombre while they concentrate on their drawing while the model is in position, posing patiently in front of the class.

Would you do it, if you're far away in a foreign land and you are sure that nobody knows you there? Just a thought, not that I'm applying. I'm not 1-to-many person, if you know your database design eheheh.

2006-09-20T09:28:00.000+08:00

Did you know that playing Play Doh is the IN thing nowadays? It is! Leen Ash Burn said so last night.

Mould it to your fancy, baby. Roll it, squish it into your own penile fantasy. Knead it, stretch it till you get the perfect curry puff shell. Flatten it, pinch it to get the absolute resemblance to your idiotic boss.

What you can do with Play Doh is limitless!

*gaps!!!* - To gasp is so passé, according to Leen (again, she's keen on becoming some kind of a trendsetter methinks) it's the IN thing to say now.

So yeah, oh gaps! Hurry and get your Play Doh now!

2006-09-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

I need to do a .Brand. .Audit. I am cracking my head whether it is to be Durex, Playboy or 007. heh. Or do you think I should be frumpy and choose .Nes.tle. instead?

Moving on, I see that the Fellowship of the Pudenda seems to be in the limelight, now. (were we ever out of it anyhow?). For that we must thank the Pussy (cat) who initiated some sort of award . It's too bad we don't do cats, or we'd have given you a blowjob already. A Blowjob for a Pussy. Sungguh oxymoron sekali, but you get my drift, no?

A Blowjob for Pussy is what I'll never give because I'm a cunninglinguist.

I am so impressed with myself for coming up with that. Now scuse me while I go pat myself on my back.

Hokay, done.

You know what's annoying? Being so fucking poor.
I mean, the gaji comes in and in a week it's all disappeared.
God, I hate eet.

I hate eet even more when you look into my eyes.
But I don't want you to stop looking into them because I want to hate eet.
Eet=You.

There. Got it off my chest.

Incoherent is I. I know. I know.
Just dropped by to say Hi!

And tell you that I like that Tokyo Drift song. I want to be a Japanese girl in a short short skirt and wear stockings and I want to be your wildest sex fantasy.

2006-09-14T17:43:00.000+08:00

CACKLERS 101

Lovely Ladies and Gregarious Gentelmen,

Welcome to the Priory! Thanks to the lissom mind of the lithesome ginger cat we fondly hail as WongAhBeng, the Priory that is the Home of the Beautiful People otherwise known as the Perverted Cacklers has seen a surge in visitors.

To all, we extend a warm welcome.

My Pretty Pudendums and Pitiful Prickheads;

We believe that many of you are first-time visitors and like inexperienced virgins uninformed with the worldly ways of the wonderful Priory, we would like to take you on a trip to familiarise yourself with the pleasant population of the Priory.

The Beautiful People of the Priory were initially individuals who discovered each other when they made Xanga their virtual home. It started with Leen and Ariel, the two Founding members, followed by Miss Little Sunshine and Cookie. Later, they roped in the Babe, Too0ooTs and finally the Snots. Then we became the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers.

And now, my pretty periwinkles and puny penises; it gives the Beautiful People great pleasure to start on the introduction of each of the member of the Priory. We will start with:

Leen – Master Story Teller (as proven time and again from her long-winded blog entries); also a Diva who does not believe in punctuality. A Brainiac that is not quite a Braggart. Sings Zombie better than the Cranberries.

Ariel – Also a Master Story Teller. Writer by Profession. Scrabble Champion. Drama Queen. Moody and Temperamental (but that is expected as she belongs to the creative elitist group). Has the tendency in attracting ghosts and ghouls with her presence.

Cookie – Bridget Jones of Malaysia. Her life is full of amusing anecdotes. Fantastic mover on the Dance Floor. Sleaze-magnet who is quite Compliant with Instructions and Orders. .A Jet-setter in the making (she’s heading for New York pretty soon).

Sunshine – A Brainiac. Ferocious and Fiery. Virtuous. An Electrifying Beauty. Least IT-Savvy by choice (which explains her absence from the Contributor panel on the right). A Mommy-in-the-Making.

Babe – Janda Gatal. Indecisive. A Gorgeous Midget that is Getting Fatter each day. Highly-strung. An Ingrate and A Bimbo. Oldest and Shortest in the Group.

ToOoTs – Fashionista and a Trend-Setter. Sexy and Smart Dame who pretends to be a Bimbo. Another Wordsmith. Brimming with Creative Ideas. Very Receptive. Kararoke Junkie. Catchphrase is “I girl, I shy.”

Snots – Exotic. Part Italian. Athletic and Tall. Another Brainiac. Mean Futsal Player. Quite Anal and Suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Another Jet-setter who is heading for Paris real soon.

My amusing antelopes and comical cuntlovers;

With the little preamble, we hope that you have gotten to know each of us a little better. The common mission of the Beautiful People is of course to have fun in all that we do and spread the joy around. Do visit us again and perhaps when you leave this blog, you have a beautiful smile plastered on your face.

Before we conclude, we would again like to thank the cat that is Wong Ah Beng for the platform he has kindly given us to promote ourselves (we are also attention-whores), as well as those who have kindly voted us despite our inability to buy them chapattis and vandaloos.

From the bottom of our bags, we thank you.

Previous entries for today can be found here and here.

2006-09-14T12:25:00.000+08:00

BEAUTIFUL GAS

Traffic is on the increase, and I am compelled to share with visitors who chanced upon this blog with something of great significance.

It is estimated that a healthy individual releases 3.5 oz. of gas in a single flatulent emission, or about 17 oz. in a day.

It is my intention to turn the virtual home that is the Priory into a centre of excellence where this is the place that promotes the seeking of information and knowledge. And with that in mind, I share with you this little information that I stumbled upon while I was on my quest to better myself.

Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition.

The cat should be happy now.

2006-09-14T00:11:00.000+08:00

In the woods there was a tree,
the foinest tree that u ever did seee!!!

*sambung*

2006-09-09T10:15:00.000+08:00

Oh. My. God.
I am a loike, a total karaoke junkie.

Now, how do you know if you're a karaoke junkie?

Do you get all giggly and hyped up when you hear the slight mention of the K-word?
Do you never say NO to a K-Ok invi?
Do you think that there should be more cheaper KTVs and with a mooch better song selection?
Do you feel like there should be a national holiday for K-Ok day?
Do you, at times, feel like you should bring your own mike to the K-Place?
Do you know all (almost) all the songs by heart?
Do you feel the urge of quitting your day job and spend days and nights K-Ok-ing?
(no, not really, I kinna like my job eventho it's killing me)

And finally, do you just love singing your heart out to almost anything and everything?

Then u MIGHT be a Karaoke Junkee!
Dial 1-800-IZMEJUNKEE now to find out!

Ahahaha a totally pointless entry, but who cares. Why make points when making love is so much more fun?

So.

Do the hustle baybay! Yeowww!

So the Diva and I, self professed Karaoke Junkies and mike hoggers,
have scheduled a slot for a K-Ok sesh soon!

Message us in private if yew want to join in on the fun!

Cacklers: WAJIB KE ATAS KAMU SEMUA. :P
(yea yea that's what i said about Swensen's oso)

Oh nota kaki:
Why do people don hideous masks and act all poserifically poserific when in large groups?
Why be pretentious? Why not be yourself and be graded for who you are and not what you appear to be?

It sickens me to see grown adults act in absolute insecurity.

Which is why I highly commend my lovely adorable self for I am one who just let's my flab hang loose, anywhere and everywhere. 24, 7. The TooTsie, like the Citi, never sleeps.

Okay yea. I'm in mengarut mode.

Leen, dah berak hari ni?

Hahaha.
I miss all you ladies la.

Boobies jom?

Lots and lots and lots and lots of love, hugs, kisses, licks, squeezes and many more,
-The Perfectly Poserific Pudendum-

2006-09-08T11:31:00.000+08:00

Join me O' Cackling Sisters.

2006-09-07T12:17:00.000+08:00

Haute Cuisine

And my tongue told me, among others that,

beetles taste like apples,

wasps like pine nuts,

and white worms like fried pork rinds.

Enjoy!!!

The weatherman said that today,

September 7

is the Neither Snow nor Rain Day.

Nine years ago today

I married the love of my life.

And an exploration began.

The Romans had three words for kissing:

bassium - the kiss exchanged by acquaintances

osculum - the kiss between close friends

suavium - the kiss between lovers

We are no longer lovers.

2006-09-07T01:48:00.000+08:00

Fingers, dirt and art!

Hey hey, let's all go bald and paint our scalps with bright pink daisies?!!!
Wouldn't that be utterly rad!!!

(Oh don't I sound 15?!)

*******

hek hem. bla bla bla bla bla...

"Car Grafitti!!!"

I for one, am VERY proud with the fact that I haven't washed my car in many, many, many, many moons (and countless suns)...

And as such, I have indulged in "Car Grafitti!"
(How do u spell grafitti again? Heck, who cares.)

Car Grafitti is in fact, the simple art of making ur uber grubby car stand out. What with the haze, the smog, the dirt, the birds, the men, of courCe cars will naturally obtain a thick layer of gunk on the outer layer.

Too many pollutants, and yet too little toime to clean it off!!!

So how does a super stylo hot hoochie mama like moiself (eh I'm hot okay? fat but hot) pull off driving in a grubby car? So grubby, the paint has changed from metallic silver to matte gray dusk.

I invented "Car Grafitti"!

But then again, I am TooTs and everybody knows I rock.

Ahh pardon me while i bask in my own self-professed glory...

*basking in self-professed glory*
*basking in self-professed glory*
*basking in self-professed glory*
*basking in self-professed glory*

Anyways... so you ask,
"O by gosh golly TooTs! How DO we achieve such great heights?!!"

O fret not my former-symbian friend! TooTs is here to save the day.

How To Be Proud of Your Grubby Car:

1. Got dirt?
To achieve the right effect, your car must be massiVely grubby; i.e: the dirt must be thick enuff to rival that of lorries and other heavy duty thingamajigs found at various grubby places and whatnots.

If in the event, it is still too clean, and you being the poser that you are, would like to be part of the "in" crowd (everything done by TooTs is the latest craze okay?); then I would suggest you spend a full day tailing a bas kilang or kenderaan berdiesel dan mengeluarkan asap hitam.

2. Finger me baby.
Ohhh yess baby oohhh yes!

Oh. Oops.

- Raise ur right hand.
- Clench it into a fist.
- Pointing finger goes up.
- Ensure finger is clean from gunk (like boogers and whatnots... oh don't give me that look, I know what you coons use your fingers for. Useless fuckwits!!!)

And now you are ready, my young tadpole!

3. Praise me like you shoooood!
With finger, write poetry on your car, or perhaps, phrases that you think would rock an elephant's mother. Support with graphic imagery!

4. Speak dirty baby!
The whole idea is to appeal to the viewer, for the whole idea of "Car Grafitti" is to stand out with a hint of class and not be vulgar and crass.

So. DO NOT write idiotic things such as:
"Call me for a free fuck!"
or "Ina sayang Mawi!"
or "Mawi pun sayang Ina!"
or "Fuck brader!"
or "Ini kereta nenek saya. Nenek saya rambut oren!"
or "Kak Temah Labu k**ngk*k (would you like to buy a vowel? :P) hebat!"

and other statements of similar nature; for this is art!
And art must be unique and well thought!

For example, a simple hai ku wud rock!
"Leaping frog lands on leaf; a peaceful life."
or
"Creaking boards come to rest; really great sex!"

Please, the idea here is not to be lewd or perverse; albeit my perverted nature.

Instead we must appeal with wit and intelligent humor!
Innuendos are welcomed, but be warned that not all can master it!

5. In conclusion...
Be very, very, very wise when choosing your statement!
Cleverly think up of a theme that suits you and your style.

After all, this is all about still being stylishly fab, even with horrendously icky wheels!!!

All you fashionistas and hot hoochie mamas (and papas) out there, raise your finger and make art!!!

But beware of committing a fashion faux pas okay?
Now go make TooTs proud!!!

Luvsies and kissies,
-The Pretentious Perky Pudendum-

Next Up: Crocs: They rawk!

2006-09-01T04:48:00.000+08:00

A Rhapsody for the Genius that is Toots

Toots, an enigma that she is, will always be remembered for her devious way with words and how the words seem to flow simply out of her fingertips like the cascading water of the Victoria Falls.

And today, we will pluck from the oblivion, one of the hilariously greatest works of Toots, entitled:

SAJAK BOHEMIAN
::dendangan - ratu::
::dipetik daripada album - suatu malam di panggung opera::

Adakah ini kehidupan sebenar, adakah ini khayalan

Terperangkap dalam tanah runtuh, tiada kebebasan daripada realiti

Bukalah mata, dongak ke langit dan lihatlahh

Aku hanya budak miskin, aku tak perlu kan belas kasihan

Kerana ku mudah datang, mudah pergi, sedikit tinggi, sedikit rendah

Arah mana pun angin bertiup, tak begitu penting pada ku

Padaaaa kuuuu

Mama, aku bunuh orang hari ini, letak pistol pada kepalanya

Lepaskan pemicu, sekarang dia dah mati

Mama, kehidupan baru hendak bermula

Tapi aku telah pergi campak semuanya pergi

Mama ooooh.... tak berniat nak bagi kau menangis

Kalau waktu ini esok ku masih belum pulangg

Teruskan laah terus kan laaah

Seolah-olah tiada apa-apa yang penting

Terlalu lambat, saat ku dah tiba, terketar-ketar tulang belakangku

Badan ku sakit senantiasa

Selamat tinggal semua, aku harus pergi

Perlu tinggal kan kamu semua dan berdepan dengan kebenaran

Mama oooohhh (arah mana pun angin bertiup)

Aku tak nak mati, aku berdoa aku tidak pernah dilahirkan

Teruskan laaah terus kan laaah

Seolah-olah tiada apa-apa yang penting....

Aku nampak bayangan seorang lelaki

Scaramouche, scaramouche, boleh kah kau buat tarian Fandango

Guruh dan kilat, sangat sangat menakutkan Ku!

Galileo (Galileo)Galileo (Galileo)Galileo figaro (Magnifico)

Tapi aku hanya budak miskin dan tiada siapa sayangi ku

Dia hanya budak miskin daripada keluarga miskin

Kecuali kan nyawanya daripada keseksaan ini

Mudah datang mudah pergi, izinkan aku pergi

Bismillah! Tidak! Kami tak akan lepaskan kau pergi, lepaskan nya

Bismillah! Kami tak akan lepaskan kau pergi, lepaskan nya

Kami tak akan lepaskan kau pergi, lepaskan nya

Tidak tidak tidak tidak tidak tidak tidak

Mama mia mama mia mama mia lepas kan ku

Beelzebub sudahkah setan sediakan tempat untuk ku, untuk ku, untuk kuuuuu

Jadi kau ingat kau boleh rejam ku dengan batu dan ludah dalam mata ku

Jadi kau ingat kau boleh sayangi ku dan tinggal kan aku untuk matiiii

Oooooohh sayaaangggg, jangan buat begini padaku sayang

Aku perlu keluar, aku perlu keluar dari sinii

Tiada apa-apa yang penting lagi, semua orang nampak

Tiada apa-apa yang penting lagi, tiada apa-apa yang penting lagi bagiku...

Arah mana pun angin bertiup.....

And Toots's parting shot was:

Go ahead. TRY singing it in Malay!!!

2006-08-20T20:07:00.000+08:00

i am pleased to announce that.
i have managed to invite myself and get myself listed on the right panel over der.
now i feel super special.

almost clever in fact!

dear ladies,
i have decided to go celibate and no longer consider sex as enjoyable or fun.
i have decided to terminate my affair with the married man.
and will slowly, but surely, forget about sex entirely.

OH YEAH RIGHT!

as if i'd give up sex?!

but i seriously need to rethink my affair.
*sigh*

toots needs a boyfriend.
help her find one.
tihihihi.

on to more serious matters...

anybody wanna play futsal this saturday?
RM20 each can get us in for a whole 2 hours.

who's with me?
okkkaaaayy.
who's on for bowling?

no, not bawling. bowling.
who's with me?
say aye?

gaji's notchet in tho. but hey. we can be optimistic roite?

2006-08-18T14:46:00.000+08:00

Ku tidak pandai menyusun kata, apatah lagi untuk bermadah helah..

Ku tidak tahu berseloka mesra, jauh sekali berlipur lara..

Tapi ku gagahkan jua untuk meng'update' di sini... dengan ucapan, selamat berhujung minggu.

2006-08-14T11:58:00.000+08:00

TIDAK ADA SIAPA-SIAPA KAH YANG INGIN MENGEMASKINI BLOG INI? SILA LAH UPDATE. NANTI SAYA NANGIS LAGI KANG.

SEKIAN TERIMA KASIH.

2006-08-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

Dear Beautifu People!!!

I saw him again! I did! I did! I did!

Ooooh he was hot! Hot! Hot!!! As always!!!!

Yeah ... it was Jasminor Jamil f.k.a. Jasmine NRG who gave me the come-hither look on Saturday. And just as I thought I had gotten over the crush on him ... sigh ... there he was again to remind me of my unsatiable lust for him.

Girls, let's go NRG one of these days.

Or get NRG to give us a private performance.

(They did Zombie on Saturday, mind you and Leen The Diva would sound so much better than the plywood that was the female lead singer.)

2006-08-01T16:33:00.000+08:00

OF LINDA JASMINE (no, not Jasmine NRG, demmit) AND THE DIVA

There she was; smug and nonchalant, slouching like a slob she claimed she was, face parted open by the opening which we all call mouth.

There she was; looking to the left and right, perhaps not knowing what was happening, still slouching, mouth still gaping.

There she was; looking like she was enjoying herself, slouched on the chair for the world to see what bad posture she had on her.

What can you expect from the great snorer whom we fondly have dubbed The Diva? Being a hardcore Akademi Fantasia fanatic follower, you could expect to catch a glimpse, or two, or a few, of her on TV enjoying herself with hedonistic pleasure from the amateurs singing their stools out.

This time round, thank God, she wasn’t seated at choice seats right behind Linda Jasmine (like she did last year, and can you simply imagine how much airtime The Diva got simply from being in the same space as the gorgeous banshee that is Linda Jasmine). But the cameras managed to find her, slouching, grinning, looking blur, lost, eyeballs rolling up and down, and lips drenched in blood-coloured rouge.

Tsk …

Leen, take it from me, the expert of being at the right place at the right time whenever there are TV cameras around. You don’t know when the cameras are supposed to pan across the room to include the fame-seekers like you during a live (or recorded) broadcast, so the best you can do is to look your best at all time! Even if it meant having your best smile frozen on your face for 2 and half bloody hours.

But The Diva had to slouch her glorious body all over the chair. “But the chair is very small and I had no choice but to push my boobs up …” she texted to me when I reprimanded her for slouching during a live broadcast. (The exact words were, I believe, tolak tetek naik).

Thinking she would take heed of my advice, these eyes again spied her slouching form when the camera panned across the auditorium.

She is a lost cause.

The third time the camera caught her image, she was grinning her heart away and it looked like the tongue (hers, of course) lolled down her chin. (Excuse me, but only Cik Cookie can do this to perfection, ye?)

Is she or is she a lost cause?

But at the very least, I, A Babe with very Little Brain and Fantastic Appearances on PrimeTime TV, could see that The Diva was enjoying herself despite her cramped seating arrangement.

And because of that, I, A Babe with very Kind Heart, would like to beseech all to AFundi Diddy, The Diva’s jantan kekar of the moment.

(And we, the Beautiful People, are most touched when we found out the The Diva had gallantly foregone the chance to hog the cramped seats of the MPPJ Civic Centre and watch that Faizal thingie doing a bad imitation of Kurt Cobain to join the great Birthday Bash for Little Miss Sunshine at PH a couple of weeks ago.

Leen, your sacrifice melted our hearts [if we had any but I'm sure we all pretend that we do]).

2006-07-27T18:05:00.000+08:00

Six Weird Things About Me by Mrs Jasmine NRG keh keh.

1. I can never, never, NEVER, ever remember how to spell weird correctly. Thank goats for Spell checks.

2. I do not mind blended bawangs. Sometimes, I don’t even mind bawangs in salsa (albeit, in small doses). But I absolutely LOATHE having bawangs in my food (unless blended). Especially if they’re cooked bawangs. It’s not so much the taste or smell of it. It’s the feel of the licin-ness of the bawang.

Loike (hur hur) EUWWWWWWWW.

Pass me the barf bag please. I think my imagination went on overdrive a bit just now.

3. I will get mite pissed if someone borrows/buat harta my books/mags/papers/any reading material including the back of the ketchup bottle when I’m not done with it. It does not matter if I have other books/mags/papers/chilli bottles to read but I don’t care. I want to read it FIRST.

4. I am accident-prone. I fall down a lot. I drive down stairs in my car. Don’t know whether this is weird or just plain stupid.

5. My body will automatically go gatal after 11 at night despite me being clean and wangi after a shower. Gatal = itchy as in rashes gatal not gatal = miang like Kooky. That one I all the time one gatal eheks.

Actually, I am quite normal. I don’t have any weird habits. I can’t think of anything now. At least, whatever weirdness I have of me, I feel absolutely normal about it. So who are you to say it is weird and who am I to deem whatever I do is weird when I am perfectly OK about it?

BAHHHH stupid Meme.

2006-07-25T12:45:00.000+08:00

WOOT! WE’RE HAVING OUR FIRST CACKLER BABY!!!!!
i.e. There's a pregnant Cackler in our midst.

(Relax kG, the babe’s not mine! You'll hafta wait a couple more years to become an uncle)

Halfling (half-keling) is preggers. No doubt she’ll be missing many of our gatherings henceforth but no we’re not worried coz well, we're all excited.

While the Halfling is not the first amma in the group - we also have Shorts who’s had Kel…but that was yonks before she met us so we've never really had a pregnant Cackler before this. I suppose this also means that we’ll have to plan one of those shower thingies soon!! (No penis cake this time, girls, sorry!)

So yeah, the Cacklers convened again on Saturday nacht, this time at .Pla.net. .Holly.wood. because somebody was supposedly stalking the Medallion Man, who is one of the dudes from NRG, the band which was performing there that night (that stalking bit was her ruse to get the Halfling to come out and be with us at PH that night).

Someone suggested that the theme colour for the night was purple, so we had to get purple gifts in purple wrappers etc. We were also told to try and wear something purple but because I did not want to end up looking like a PurplePeopleEater, I wore black. I did however use purple and gold eyeshadow (stop snickering kG!) !

It was also to celebrate the Halfling's birthday which actually happened more than one month ago. Her birthday falls on the same day as the ex, Jake's, which is why I know when it is. I had gently reminded the Cacklers about it in a mail about a month prior to that, when we were planning that steamboat thingy at The Halfling's place (Cacklers: remember???) so I assumed that everyone had updated their birthday records accordingly. But as is typical with the Cacklers, none bothered to do that, and then when they forgot, they blamed me!

Now, I’m not going to give you a report on what happened at the meeting because like all Cackler meetings, this one comprised a lot of cam-whoring, flirting, bitching, flashing (Wot? Don’t lookit moi! I girl! I shy! It was Toots who flashed me her purple thong right there at PH.) and ritualistic sex - amalans that only self-absorbed people like the Cacklers would be entertained by, so I'll spare y'all.

But just to please the Cackler fanclub la kan, I'll give a summary.

We met, we cackled, we had fun, we oggled at the lead singer [yg sungguh macho dan cun tapi seluarnya londeh but is forgiven for the kelondehan of his seluar coz he chose to sing the song I had requested (Mungkin Nanti by Peter Pan)], Ashburn headbanged to some Muse song and we embarassed the Halfling (who seems oh so mellow these days and no longer her garang self) by having to go on stage when the band sang her the birthday song.

Itu sahaje ye? Sekian.

2006-07-10T16:13:00.000+08:00

Girls, Women and Boys

Enough of the Zidane’s-head-met-Materazzi’s-chest incident. What’s done is done, there’s no undoing it. Zidane will remain a hero to many of us (except for the person who sent an irritating text message to me at 4:49am spewing hatred for Les Bleus while I was nursing a massive head pain thus having to miss the Finals).

Now, let’s divert our attention to something that is of great significance, as observed by Mr John Ruskin, an English critic and social theorist:

“Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies, for instance.”

And here’s a little tip to get you by in life:

To test avocados, mangoes, or papayas for ripeness, gently fondle the fruit — never squeeze it — and if the flesh yields to the touch, it's ready to eat.

Wonder if the same method works on men too.

2006-07-10T09:09:00.000+08:00

We spoke about his head too much

hence

the head-butting.

*sigh*

2006-07-07T17:17:00.000+08:00

I seek forgiveness from the lovely little Kooky for the grievous sin I have committed against her.

In a moment of madness, my thoughtlessness in deed and action has given Kooky many unsettling days and nights, much disturbed by a spectre that is haunting her being.

For penance and as proof to express my deepest regret, I hereby will buy Kooky a plate of maggi goreng. If she remains hungry after devouring the Mamak joint's haute cuisine, I will also feed her chapati and kari kambing.

And Snots, I have not sinned against you. You can get your own maggi goreng.

Ariel, we fervently hope that you can be present tonight and we will not take the mickey out of your pudenda.

Leen, if you're late, you will not be forgiven.

And Sweet Toots, safe journey.

And to our Sunshine, you simply do not know what's coming your way.

2006-07-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

okay.

i am getting an invite to go to a talk by prof mi.chael galvin about the mas.ters in com.muni.cations ma.nage.ment programme that K.D.U runs for the uni.ver.sity of sou.th aus.tralia. i'm allowed to bring a guest.

ada pudenda yg berminat?

2006-07-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

Since I am not allowed to do what I do best - cheapsale and promote myself - I will do what I do second best ie Bitch.

Our receptionist gets very creative with her messenger announcements on the arrival of the Bandaraya folks to saman everyone and his/her mother's ass to heaven and back. Variations include:-

1. Hurry! Hurry! The Bandaraya people have arrived!
2. Warning: You are gonna kena saman!
3. Have you paid your parking meter today?
4. Cepat! Lari! Bandaraya sudah sampai!

okay there are plenty more but I can't for the life of me remember them but OMG! WHY???? We just need to know that Bandaraya is here to saman their asses. In fact, she shouldn't make the announcement. Bandaraya should saman these people so that they learn to pay their parking fees... Why are we encouraging irresponsibility right?

What we need is not a receptionist who makes creative messenger announcements..just someone who can pass a frickin call thru to the correct extension y'know. Is that too much to ask? In a day I have not less than 5 wrong extension calls. People get pissed off for being passed around.

I know, I could have posted this in my blog. But rules are meant to be broken, no? Oh while I'm at it...I'll also cheapsale myself. RM2.99 while stocks lasts.

2006-07-04T09:50:00.000+08:00

I do not understand Men.

Either they pursue you vehementlly, not unlike a stalker.

Or they keep it mum, right inside their deepest of hearts that you're not too sure yourself what is going on. If you're in or out, or at a precarious "neither here nor there".

Worse still, they string you along, by sugarcoating and smokescreening your views. By painting roses are your (and his) canvas. By promising the world and delivering the heavens.

And then yank that string away from you just as you were about to have a nibble at the carrot.

And they say we're the difficult ones.

2006-06-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Fellow Pudendas!!!

When the sun rises.

And all is bright in the land of milk and honey.

We will all meet and agree wholeheartedly...

that...

ice cream cures all diseases!!!

Yeay!

********

On to more urgent matters...

There is only one question

and one question only

that leaves me

with sleepless nights

and restless days...

and it is...

"Are we boobsy-daisying

on Friday or not?"

Since...

Pugnacious P will be out of the country soon...

Snots the Bubbly one will be literally out of the country as well...

Cookie K will be working (egad!)

And then i lost track of who else has what on when...

Sooooo

what be the
odus moperandi modus operandi

for this Friday noite

then

me darlings???

Luv luv,

The One Who Can't Seem To Register As A Member
No Matter What She Tries
But Has Yet To Give Up

2006-06-22T17:18:00.000+08:00

Members of the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers

Lend me your ears (or rather, eyes)!

On behalf of the High Priestess who was once a Goddess, I would like to call upon the Convergence of the Priory on a day come next week to discuss matters of utmost importance.

It has been suggested that the Members are to meet on the 28th of June 2006 at the usual watering hole.

Please further discuss among yourselves using the Haloscan commenting functionality wisely if you have objections or recommendations to the suggested date and venue.

Brickbats are welcome.

Note: Someone ought to take the task of informing Ms Sunshine of the above and the existence of this virtual meeting place.

2006-06-21T15:26:00.000+08:00

EDIT

Bloody Hell This is So Confusing.

21 June 2006

Leen Ashburn,
PO Box 6969
Pejabat Pos Besar Kuala Lumpur
Dayabumi, Kuala Lumpur

To Whom It May Concern,
Priory of Perverted Cacklers Journal,
c/o Mahboob Restaurant Nasi Kandar,
Bangsar,
Kuala Lumpur

Attention: Ms. Beautiful People

Madam,
Amendment to Regulation of the Priory of Perverted Cackler Blog

I humbly refer to the above matter.

2. I would like to propose the amendment to Item 5 under Visitor & Comments of the abovementioned Regulation ("Regulation") of the Priory of the Perverted Cackler Blog (henceforth known as "Blog") to read as follows:

5. The Haloscan commenting and trackback functionality has been added to this weblog. However, contributors are advised to avoid using this functionality as it is installed for the benefit of stray (some welcome, some not) visitors who are non-members of the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers to leave their two-cents behind. Contributors too are strongly advised not to respond to any comments left by visitors in the Haloscan comment board. Such responses are to be dealt with in a new entry altogether.

5.1 Further to the above, the Contributors are strongly prohibited to flirt, cheapsale, market, cock-tease, vamp, lollygag, chat up, string along, trifle, toy with readers, other Contributors, human or otherwise, in a manner that will otherwise cause such damage and detriment to the other Contributors such as but not limiting to headaches, migraine, general state of peeved-ness, annoyance and boredom among the Contributors.

For avoidance of doubt, causes and definition of damage and detriment as stipulated above is not exhaustive and can be amended, deleted, omit, added and removed from time to time as deemed fit by the Contributors. Further to the above, this Regulation by no means prohibits, deter, wrist-slap, ban, block, disallow, obstruct and/or outlaw Contributors to flirt, cheapsale, market, cock-tease, vamp, lollygag, chat up, string along, trifle, toy with readers, other Contributors, human or otherwise, in a manner that will otherwise cause such damage and detriment to the other Contributors such as but not limiting to headaches, migraine, general state of peeved-ness, annoyance and boredom among the Contributors at their own domain, real-time or virtual.

Notwithstanding the above, Contributor accused of undertaking actions as stipulated in 5.1 above may submit objection and appeal to the Highest Priestesses of Cacklers (hereinafter known as "Other Contributors") by submitting a blog entry in the Blog or via Haloscan comment or a sealed, stamped and completed appeal letter to:

Peti surat berkunci 6969,
Pejabat Pos Besar Pulau Pinang.

Further to the above, Other Contributors are not disallowed, prohibited, wrist-slapped, deterred, banned, blocked, obstructed and/or outlawed and in fact encouraged, to promote, market, cheapsale or otherwise act in the manner that brings forward to the promotion and upwards bringing to the limelight of any particular Contributor for the betterment of Contributor's seemingly bland social, moral and love life.

3. I hope my proposed amendment will be given due consideration by fellow Contributors.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Your Servant,

Leen Ash-Burn

2006-06-21T12:10:00.000+08:00

warning: not for the non-intellectuals and wannabes

What makes a person become a suicide bomber?

2006-06-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

*hek hem*

bebe toots would like to apologize for her unintended delay accepting the invite.
however, if there had not been a misspelling of her gmail email id, bebe toots is quite certain this delay could have been avoided.

(beautiful people, please take note :P)

being anal in nature, bebe toots has noticed a few grammatical errors in the blog's do's and don't's.
but of courCe presently she is too lazy to mention them :D.

bla bla bla yak yak yak.
bla bla bla yak yak yak.
bla bla bla yak yak yak.

anyways...

i propose the PPoCBlog's first agenda is to market Miss Kooky and may her days of endless woes be a thing of the past.

Who's with me?

Sample ad:

"Ingin berkenalan dgn seorang dara sunti yang vas dan vogue?
Anggun dengan tutur yang sopan dan pekerti yang tinggi!!!
Juga tersohor dalam memberikan "perkhidmatan kepala" dll yang cukup baik!

Ya tuan-tuan (dan puan-puan jika ada), ini lah pakej wanita yang lengkap!

Lembut di luar, lebih lembut di dalam!!!

Ayuh! Bersegeralah! Sementara stok masih ada!"

So.
Who's with me?

An attempt at being intelligent:

"Did you know that in earlier times, before soap existed, man used sand to cleanse themselves?"

"Did you know that a mixture of coarse sugar and almond oil/ olive oil, can be an excellent body scrub?"

"Did you know that monkees can't really swim?"

-THE END-

Maafkan saya ye! I would love to promote our beloved Kooks...I really would. But I love myself more. So oleh yg demikian, I want to promote myself.

I am working on getting testimonials from previous lovers as to my prowesses.
I cook, I clean and I swallow on special occasions. (Although it kills my heart to waste good protein on other days, this is something I must exercise so that the novelty of it doen't wear out. Strategy, you hear?)

I am good at playing the golden flute and caressing the jade stalk. Although I said you gotta wait for the testimonials I'd just like to give you a hint of how good I am.

A lover once asked if he could send his wife over to me so I can teach her the fell.atio. And teach her how to do it till he shoots that load stright down her throat the way I usually do it.

But you know me. You know how selfish I can get. I said "Honey, you want good head, you come to me. I'm not gonna be teaching every damn chick how to get it right and then have to put up with the competition. No frickin way, dude!"

And so... yes....Vote Ariel because of her immense love for giving head. I might even do an Ana.bel Chong for blowjobs someday. I mean..if Singapore boleh...Malaysia also boleh kan?

Undilah saya.

Ariel, Goddess of .Blow.Jobs.

2006-06-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

KookyCookie: theuh gyhdht rizalakusayangsangat dighdte pandisathe!

oi!!! i didn't write this! grrrrrrr....

Beautiful People writes: Saudari Kooky, I would like to bring your attention to Regulation No. 3 where it says "Contributors are encouraged to submit weblog entries that are intelligent, witty, overflowing with sarcasm and for the greater good of the Priory."

Please note the highlighted text of the Regulation and the members of the Priory would very much like to see some kind of adherence to the said Regulation. Should you wish to protest, you may voice your displeasure in the Haloscan Comment Board or highlight the matter in the entry entitled "Please Read & Understand" (which you spedread and did not understand obviously). Also, I would like to highlight that your previous entry batting eyelashes a la Betty Boops is not intelligent, witty and overflowing with sarcasm and do not bring any benefit to the Priory.

Thank you and Have A Nice Day.

ps. Can someone alert Saudari Toots to accept the blogger invite?

2006-06-20T11:16:00.000+08:00

*bats eyelashes flirtatiously a la Betty Boop*

2006-06-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

PLEASE READ & UNDERSTAND

A Regulation to provide for and regulate the converging of contributors of the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers, and for other incidental matters.

New Entries
1. A contributor may, from time to time, wishes to post a new entry into this weblog. The weblog however must be in accordance of a set of rules that may be found in this entry.

2. A contributor posting a new entry must allow for other contributors of this weblog to contribute to the same entry. Other contributors are to distinguish their comments by using different fonts and colours and to begin their input in the weblog entry with their respective moniker. For example:

So what am I supposed to do here then?
*presses all buttons and walks away quickly to the bay window pretending to be watching the scenery whilst whistling loudly*

Ariel: xghtdy thedht ytn thet hethdhthtl pudendamouldy dithdhth!

KookyCookie: theuh gyhdht rizalakusayangsangat dighdte pandisathe!
posted by Leen Ash Burn at 7:30 PM

3. Contributors are encouraged to submit weblog entries that are intelligent, witty, overflowing with sarcasm and for the greater good of the Priory. Personal experiences and thoughts are best left in contributors’ own respective private weblogs.

Username/Password
4. A contributor may log in using their very own username and password. However, should the contributor wishes to take on a mediating or a sterner role, the contributor may adopt the use of “Beautiful People” using the username and password that have been emailed to every contributor.

Visitors and Comments
5. The Haloscan commenting and trackback functionality has been added to this weblog. However, contributors are advised to avoid using this functionality as it is installed for the benefit of stray (some welcome, some not) visitors who are non-members of the Priory of the Perverted Cacklers to leave their two-cents behind. Contributors too are strongly advised not to respond to any comments left by visitors in the Haloscan comment board. Such responses are to be dealt with in a new entry altogether.

Feel free to add, edit, amend the regulations as deemed fit.

Thank you.

Saya terima syarat-syarat yang tertera di atas. Saya ialah Cuntributer Ariel.

Is there any rules on blog promotion? I can be quite good blog-whoring (as well as cam-whoring)and entice innocent victims to visit. - The Royal Babeness (with very little brain)

Oh promote it honey. Only, we gotta do it when there's a bit more substance to the blog.

Btw can we pls call it The Happy Pudenda. It sounds like a brilliant name for a pub. Teehee!

- Ariel (Sprouting Horns)

I think we are doing quite well in terms of blog-promotion. Check out the counter (unless it is us guys who keep coming back in here la). Seems that our little kooky is quite a popular personality despite her silence.

Anyway, I think we should do away with Regulation 5 on matters related to Haloscan. Let us all flood the Haloscan and we should amend Regulation 5 to allow us to use Haloscan!!! - The Royal Babeness (who lost her brain but not her pudenda).

2006-06-19T10:30:00.000+08:00

So what am I supposed to do here then?

*presses all buttons and walks away quickly to the bay window pretending to be watching the scenery whilst whistling loudly*