Six Weird Things About Me by Mrs Jasmine NRG keh keh.

1. I can never, never, NEVER, ever remember how to spell weird correctly. Thank goats for Spell checks.

2. I do not mind blended bawangs. Sometimes, I don’t even mind bawangs in salsa (albeit, in small doses). But I absolutely LOATHE having bawangs in my food (unless blended). Especially if they’re cooked bawangs. It’s not so much the taste or smell of it. It’s the feel of the licin-ness of the bawang.

Loike (hur hur) EUWWWWWWWW.

Pass me the barf bag please. I think my imagination went on overdrive a bit just now.

3. I will get mite pissed if someone borrows/buat harta my books/mags/papers/any reading material including the back of the ketchup bottle when I’m not done with it. It does not matter if I have other books/mags/papers/chilli bottles to read but I don’t care. I want to read it FIRST.

4. I am accident-prone. I fall down a lot. I drive down stairs in my car. Don’t know whether this is weird or just plain stupid.

5. My body will automatically go gatal after 11 at night despite me being clean and wangi after a shower. Gatal = itchy as in rashes gatal not gatal = miang like Kooky. That one I all the time one gatal eheks.

Actually, I am quite normal. I don’t have any weird habits. I can’t think of anything now. At least, whatever weirdness I have of me, I feel absolutely normal about it. So who are you to say it is weird and who am I to deem whatever I do is weird when I am perfectly OK about it?

BAHHHH stupid Meme.

WOOT! WE’RE HAVING OUR FIRST CACKLER BABY!!!!!
i.e. There's a pregnant Cackler in our midst.

(Relax kG, the babe’s not mine! You'll hafta wait a couple more years to become an uncle)

Halfling (half-keling) is preggers. No doubt she’ll be missing many of our gatherings henceforth but no we’re not worried coz well, we're all excited.

While the Halfling is not the first amma in the group - we also have Shorts who’s had Kel…but that was yonks before she met us so we've never really had a pregnant Cackler before this. I suppose this also means that we’ll have to plan one of those shower thingies soon!! (No penis cake this time, girls, sorry!)

So yeah, the Cacklers convened again on Saturday nacht, this time at .Pla.net. .Holly.wood. because somebody was supposedly stalking the Medallion Man, who is one of the dudes from NRG, the band which was performing there that night (that stalking bit was her ruse to get the Halfling to come out and be with us at PH that night).

Someone suggested that the theme colour for the night was purple, so we had to get purple gifts in purple wrappers etc. We were also told to try and wear something purple but because I did not want to end up looking like a PurplePeopleEater, I wore black. I did however use purple and gold eyeshadow (stop snickering kG!) !

It was also to celebrate the Halfling's birthday which actually happened more than one month ago. Her birthday falls on the same day as the ex, Jake's, which is why I know when it is. I had gently reminded the Cacklers about it in a mail about a month prior to that, when we were planning that steamboat thingy at The Halfling's place (Cacklers: remember???) so I assumed that everyone had updated their birthday records accordingly. But as is typical with the Cacklers, none bothered to do that, and then when they forgot, they blamed me!

Now, I’m not going to give you a report on what happened at the meeting because like all Cackler meetings, this one comprised a lot of cam-whoring, flirting, bitching, flashing (Wot? Don’t lookit moi! I girl! I shy! It was Toots who flashed me her purple thong right there at PH.) and ritualistic sex - amalans that only self-absorbed people like the Cacklers would be entertained by, so I'll spare y'all.

But just to please the Cackler fanclub la kan, I'll give a summary.

We met, we cackled, we had fun, we oggled at the lead singer [yg sungguh macho dan cun tapi seluarnya londeh but is forgiven for the kelondehan of his seluar coz he chose to sing the song I had requested (Mungkin Nanti by Peter Pan)], Ashburn headbanged to some Muse song and we embarassed the Halfling (who seems oh so mellow these days and no longer her garang self) by having to go on stage when the band sang her the birthday song.

Itu sahaje ye? Sekian.

Girls, Women and Boys

Enough of the Zidane’s-head-met-Materazzi’s-chest incident. What’s done is done, there’s no undoing it. Zidane will remain a hero to many of us (except for the person who sent an irritating text message to me at 4:49am spewing hatred for Les Bleus while I was nursing a massive head pain thus having to miss the Finals).

Now, let’s divert our attention to something that is of great significance, as observed by Mr John Ruskin, an English critic and social theorist:

“Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies, for instance.”

And here’s a little tip to get you by in life:

To test avocados, mangoes, or papayas for ripeness, gently fondle the fruit — never squeeze it — and if the flesh yields to the touch, it's ready to eat.

Wonder if the same method works on men too.

We spoke about his head too much

hence

the head-butting.

*sigh*

I seek forgiveness from the lovely little Kooky for the grievous sin I have committed against her.

In a moment of madness, my thoughtlessness in deed and action has given Kooky many unsettling days and nights, much disturbed by a spectre that is haunting her being.

For penance and as proof to express my deepest regret, I hereby will buy Kooky a plate of maggi goreng. If she remains hungry after devouring the Mamak joint's haute cuisine, I will also feed her chapati and kari kambing.

And Snots, I have not sinned against you. You can get your own maggi goreng.

Ariel, we fervently hope that you can be present tonight and we will not take the mickey out of your pudenda.

Leen, if you're late, you will not be forgiven.

And Sweet Toots, safe journey.

And to our Sunshine, you simply do not know what's coming your way.

okay.

i am getting an invite to go to a talk by prof mi.chael galvin about the mas.ters in com.muni.cations ma.nage.ment programme that K.D.U runs for the uni.ver.sity of sou.th aus.tralia. i'm allowed to bring a guest.

ada pudenda yg berminat?

Since I am not allowed to do what I do best - cheapsale and promote myself - I will do what I do second best ie Bitch.

Our receptionist gets very creative with her messenger announcements on the arrival of the Bandaraya folks to saman everyone and his/her mother's ass to heaven and back. Variations include:-

1. Hurry! Hurry! The Bandaraya people have arrived!
2. Warning: You are gonna kena saman!
3. Have you paid your parking meter today?
4. Cepat! Lari! Bandaraya sudah sampai!

okay there are plenty more but I can't for the life of me remember them but OMG! WHY???? We just need to know that Bandaraya is here to saman their asses. In fact, she shouldn't make the announcement. Bandaraya should saman these people so that they learn to pay their parking fees... Why are we encouraging irresponsibility right?

What we need is not a receptionist who makes creative messenger announcements..just someone who can pass a frickin call thru to the correct extension y'know. Is that too much to ask? In a day I have not less than 5 wrong extension calls. People get pissed off for being passed around.

I know, I could have posted this in my blog. But rules are meant to be broken, no? Oh while I'm at it...I'll also cheapsale myself. RM2.99 while stocks lasts.

I do not understand Men.

Either they pursue you vehementlly, not unlike a stalker.

Or they keep it mum, right inside their deepest of hearts that you're not too sure yourself what is going on. If you're in or out, or at a precarious "neither here nor there".

Worse still, they string you along, by sugarcoating and smokescreening your views. By painting roses are your (and his) canvas. By promising the world and delivering the heavens.

And then yank that string away from you just as you were about to have a nibble at the carrot.

And they say we're the difficult ones.